


Five Years Lost

by Meribell64



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Light Angst, One Shot, Songfic, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22223212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meribell64/pseuds/Meribell64
Summary: One-shot. Sarina grieves over the lost five years. Eventually, her grief is soon replaced with an unexpected love.
Relationships: Claude von Riegan/Original Character(s), My Unit | Byleth/Claude von Riegan
Kudos: 13





	Five Years Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I've been obsessed with this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zaaibb4BiQ  
> I think it's a nice cover of Four Seasons and honestly I feel like this would absolutely describe the emotions of losing fucking fIVE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. 
> 
> And you could tell I've been playing Golden Deer Route. I'm sorry Dimitri but... Claude stole my heart. 
> 
> Sarina is basically Byleth lmao. Anyways, enjoy my self-indulgence.

* * *

_Four scenes of love and laughter_

_I'll be all right being alone_

_Four scenes of love and laughter_

_I'll be all right being alone_

_Four scenes of love and laughter_

_I'll be all right being alone_

_Four scenes of love and laughter_

_I'll be all right being alone_

_I will be okay..._

* * *

Sarina is reunited with her old room. She looks at the old walls lined with dry wood, covered in unknown stains she didn’t recognized before. She could see splinters popping out, but in due time, it would be repaired once everyone has settled down again in the monastery. She looks at the bed that laid inside, seemingly untouched. The corner of her lips slightly curves up into a smile. Someone made her bed for her before she arrived. She felt a small warmth spread inside her chest. She could tell bandits had ransacked the room. Thankfully, it was practically devoice of anything important saved for perhaps a spare weapon, her teapot that took her weeks to procure after the many tea parties she invited her students—her friends—to, and spare clothes she had bought throughout the time she had taught as a professor. The heels of her boots made a dull sound as she walked across the room and to the wardrobe. She opened it up and her eyes widens slightly before a light laugh leaves her lips. Her clothes were shockingly still here. Dirty with dust and dirt, and whatever else, but she didn’t care. She thought this was amusing.

She stripped out of her current clothes, making a mental note to get them washed and get her armor cleaned the first chance she gets. She looks at herself in the shattered mirror that was in her room. She smooths out the fabric of her clothes. It was a white off-the-shoulder neck blouse, overlaid with an open bust waistcoat around her middle, laced up in the front. She enjoyed the feeling of the open flared sleeves as she stretched her arms out to check if it still fit her—of course it did. Although she had been ‘asleep’ for five years, she hadn’t changed a bit. She freezes. She hasn’t changed a bit.

She lightly shakes her head as she adjusts the waistband of the breeches she wore, complimenting the white color of her blouse and matching with the contrasting color of the waistcoat. She tapped the ends of her ankle boots against the floor, feeling them fit snugly around her feet. She took one last look at herself in the broken mirror; a perfect presentation of how she felt inside. Although it reflected her normal—or rather new appearance with her green hair and eyes—the shattered pieces showed her inner turmoil. She swallows dryly as she smooths her hair out, leaving it in a loose braided side ponytail, leaving it to rest on her shoulder.

Sarina closes her eyes as she tries to remember the past five years…. The five years she didn’t have, but everyone else did. To her, it was only been a month since the death of her father. She bit her lower lip. She pushed the feelings down, but a certain voice would have assured her it was okay to weep. But even before that, images of her students filled up her mind. It felt like only yesterday as she looked towards her door, expecting one of her students to knock. As if someone has heard her thoughts, a knock did come.

Her eyes widened and before she knew it, she ran for the door, quickly opening it. “Hey, teach,” she hears Claude’s voice. She feels breathless. What she sees is the young brunette, wearing his cheeky smirk on his face as he crosses his arms behind his head, his dark green eyes staring into her and trying to solve her like a puzzle box, the braid that he wore at the side of his face slightly swaying to the side. Suddenly, a look of concern washes over his face and he lets his arms fall to his side. “You alright?”

When she blinks, that 18-year-old boy isn’t there anymore, except a taller man that greatly resembles him. His green eyes watched her carefully, filled with concern and trying to read her expression. His braid no longer hangs at the side of his face—in fact his hair is grown out now, slicked back with a stubborn strand of hair that hovers in front of his face. He was even wearing a growing beard along his jaw. Sarina realizes he wasn’t an 18-year old boy anymore. She swallows as she finally processes his words in her mind. “Yes, I’m fine,” she answers. “Is something wrong?” she asks as she looks up to him. She realized she had to crane her neck back a bit more than she normally did. He grown taller… She hugs her arms around herself casually.

He had a dubious look on his face; however, he quickly accepts her answer before smiling at her again. “Just wondering if you’re settling back into your old room alright,” he says.

She gives a nod of her head. “It’s almost exactly as I remembered it,” she says with a slight smile, a breathy laugh leaving her lips. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Teach,” he grins, resting his fist on his hip.

She rolls her eyes playfully. “You know, I’m not your professor anymore.”

“Ah, sorry force of habit. But to be honest I can’t imagine calling you anything else,” he admits as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Sarina.”

“Huh?” he blinks as he looks back up to her.

She gives a gentle smile. “Just call me Sarina…” she says in a softer voice.

A moment of silence passes. “Sarina…” he says quietly, as if trying the name on his tongue.

She didn’t know why but she liked the way he said her name. She realizes in this moment that even though everything had changed, she will be okay. Although she knew they were her students, and will always be her students, she never realized how alone she really felt. She hugs herself tighter.

* * *

_Fall in love, break apart, this keeps repeating_

_I’ve lived through these moments…_

_Again and over again_

_I stumble and stagger into my memories_

_I’m looking, just searching_

_For your kind shadow…_

* * *

She reads the gravestone. Her father’s and her mother’s name were engraved, including the dates they were born and died (at least for her mother, no one knows when her father was born, including her). His death was still fresh on her mind. She didn’t even need to close her eyes to see it. She remembers how she wailed loudly for the first time in her life, clutching his hand tightly and begging him to wake up. Oh, how she begged him to open his eyes again, but he never did. She clutches her blouse tightly, nearly clawing into her chest with her trimmed nails. She remembered standing here with him, sharing a rare embrace with him when they talked about her mother. Every time she hears a voice, she thinks it was his. She whips around only to see nothing, feeling nothing but the gentle breeze against her skin, the wisps of her hair flowing with it. She feels her throat dry as she swallows. He was gone… She slowly lifts her hand to her head. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but for a moment it felt like the wind was giving her a gentle pat on the head, much like her father would do… She closes her eyes. If only.

* * *

_I can taste the sweetness of the past_

_Though I’m alone~_

_I know you’re no longer here with me_

_I’ll be alright_

_If I close my eyes then I can dream_

_Of a love that won’t ever change_

_I believe…_

* * *

She didn’t know how, but she found herself in her father’s office. It was surprisingly left untouched, saved for the collected dust that gathered over the years and the missing and fallen books that scattered along the ground. The desk was askew, most likely pushed aside from whatever bandits that tried to raid inside. The couches were flipped up right again, but she could still see the dents in the floor from where they were flipped over. The coat rack was still on the ground and she took the moment to pick it back up again, leaving at the side of the doorway where it originally was. She inhaled deeply. It was still there… Her father’s beloved scent of trees and ground of nature that she memorized so much. Although it has been five years, it was still here, albeit faintly. She walked further inside and to the desk. She pulled the tipped over chair upright again, taking a seat in it. She dragged her fingers along the surface of his desk, void and bare of any objects and belongings. It was gone long before by Alois, who had to pack his things up. She wondered if she could ask him where he had to put it… She doubted it would still be here after five years.

She closes her eyes, basking in the faint scent in the room. For a moment, she was glad she was special; to be able to pick up something so faint, something so impossible to the normal human sense of smell. She felt comfort. Although he was gone, she knew he would’ve walked over to her, placed his hand on her head. He was a man of few words, but just a simple smile said everything: pride, happiness, joy…. Love. Love for her. When she kept her eyes closed, she knew she could feel his love as the memories of their times together lingered here.

She will always remember his love.

* * *

_The light of the sun brightens up a pleasant day_

_Spring’s flowers come to bloom_

_The light of the moon shines upon the ocean waves_

_Like summer won’t fade_

_Though the wind…_

_Blows cold through all the autumn leaves_

_And changes to winter’s snow_

_Warm me and stay by my side_

_Four seasons with your love_

_All over again…_

* * *

She walks down the cobblestone floor in front of the three classrooms slowly. Hugging herself, her eyes falls over the ripped and tattered banners of each classroom. Every time she peers inside the classroom, images of the students filled the scene. She found herself in front of the Golden Deer classroom. She stood in front of the doorways as she looks inside. She could see Lysithea yelling at Claude, telling him to stop treating her like a child. Claude simply laughs as he propped his legs up on his desk while Lorenz berates him for such an ‘unsightly’ scene of his posture. Hilda chats away with Marianne, trying to get her out of her shell, and Marianne politely listens to whatever she has to say. Leonie finds herself in an arm-wrestling match with Raphael, only to be beaten swiftly by the large muscular boy while Ignatz gives his condolences to the girl.

When she blinks, it all disappears, left with nothing but an empty classroom. She doesn’t dare enter, for fear her chest would burst. She looks behind her and the beautiful, abundant green grassy area that was once filled with flowers and bushes in the back were no longer there, and replaced with barren dirt and ground, weeds scattered all over. She missed it.

No matter the seasons that had changed throughout the year, the one constant was always the grassy scenery she enjoyed outside the classroom. When she stepped outside, it was like an unchanging paradise. It kept her warm through the chill autumns and the cold winters with just the scene alone. Now it was gone.

She feels a chill go through her body as the wind blows through the air. She hugs herself tighter again.

* * *

_A promise we once swore, would be forever_

_Becomes just a small wish as times passes by~_

* * *

As Sarina sits along the edge of the window on the top floor of the Goddess Tower, she peers out the window. The moonlight fills inside the room and she looks up. Her eyes glimmers beautifully at the light of the full moon before her. Somehow… she doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t feel the need to change forms anymore. It was a beautiful moon and yet she felt so disconnected from it. A strange… sadness washes over her as she lowers her gaze. She trails her fingers along the crumbled windowsill. A memory flickers in her mind. She and Claude met here five years ago—the night of the ball. They talked about their hopes and dreams. They made a wish. A promise she would’ve called it.

She looks across the room. Across there was a balcony and a railing. That was where they talked as they looked up moonlit sky such as tonight. She could see herself standing next to him as he spoke about what he wanted to do in the future before suggesting they should make a wish together. She sees herself cracking a smile, her hand shielding her mouth in order to hide it from Claude. She attempts to stifle down a laughter as Claude exaggeratedly ‘prays’ and beseeches to the goddess to grant their wish. If Sothis could speak now, she would have laughed and mocked him.

Her eyes pull away from the balcony and to the ground. Her hand curls up against her lap. She wondered if he still remembers the promise after five years… She did. 

* * *

_Can you feel me underneath your skin?_

_For you and I~_

_And with all the love that we both shall keep_

_We’ll be alright_

_If we just believe we can go on_

_No matter how far apart we are…_

_Stay with me_

* * *

Sarina’s eyes widened at his embrace; her head held to his shoulder as his fingers tangled themselves into her hair. She feels his hot breath against her bare neck. She feels a sudden heat flushing from her neck to her cheeks. Her arms slowly find themselves wrapped around his middle; her hands gently pressed against his back. Through his thin cotton shirt, she could feel his warmth. “Stay with me…” she hears him murmur into her ear.

“I’m always with you,” the words leave her lips before she realizes.

He slowly pulls back, his eyes pouring their gaze into hers. She couldn’t help but turn her face away, but his fingers grip her chin tightly, but gently, to pull it back up, so she looks back up at him. She feels the warmth in her cheeks grow hot. His piercing gaze was… soft. Vulnerable. He leans down and presses his lips against hers. Her eyes widened once more at the action. They stay like that for a moment. She feels him stiffen slightly and begin to pull back. However, her hand slides up to the back of his neck, pulling him back down as she finds her lips against his.

A gentle, chaste kiss against his. She closes her eyes as the warmth of his lips envelops her own. An innocent kiss turns into one of passion. His hands on her hips and hers around his neck. He nips at her lower lip, eliciting a soft sigh from her before taking the opportunity to slide his tongue inside her mouth. He explores every crevice of her mouth with his tongue, before intertwining it with her own.

Their mouths stay lock together until finally, the need to breathe overcomes them both as they pulled their heads back, a string of saliva connecting them together. They pant softly and gently, a light flush spread across his tanned skin, while a deep, burning blush is seared into her fair skin of her face. Although no words were spoken, the loving gaze they shared with one another said it all.

She was uncertain, but she feels his love and that was all she needed. It was the same with him. She no longer sees that 18-year old boy anymore.

* * *

_Come to me deep in the night while stars are high_

_Asleep like flowers of spring_

_Come to me leaving a message on the sand_

_That summer won't fade_

_Though the rain..._

_Blows cold through all the autumn leaves_

_And changes to winter's tears_

* * *

She laughs, her voice sweet as honey as it rings in the cool air of the night. She turns her head to look up at him, seeing his loving gaze for her. She brings her hand up to brush his hair from his face, only for him to catch it to pull to his lips, pressing to her palm and then to her wrist. He lowers his hand down to her wrist to gently play with the bracelet that she had—the same bracelet they gave to her five years ago on her birthday.

She smiles at him lovingly before returning her gaze to the collection of stars that hung above them in the sky. He follows her gaze to the sky, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to his chest. A laugh escapes her lips again, but she curls up against him, intertwining their legs together and resting her ear right where his heart laid. She feels the fast beating of his heart and it makes her smile more. She knew it was because of her. She looks back up to the sky and points to a collection of stars, “That one kind of looks like a deer.”

He laughs at her. “Have you ever seen a deer?”

“Um, technically I’m a predator for one,” she quips back.

He just chuckles, remembering that little fact of hers. “Right,” he says before pressing his lips to her hairline. Unable to help himself, he trails his kisses to her face, peppering them with his love.

A giggle escapes as she feels his beard scratching and tickling against her face as he peppers her face with kisses. “That tickles.” His hand rubs along the curve of her body, before resting it gently on her hip. He rubs circles into them and finally, he captures her lips with a sweet, gentle kiss.

She closes her eyes as she returns it before gently sucking on his lower lip. She could feel him biting his lower lip to fight back a groan. “You can’t do that to a man sometimes,” he says to her almost breathless despite the short kiss they shared, and the slight suckle she gave.

An innocent smile graces her lips. “You love it.”

“That I do.” He flips her over onto her back suddenly and she yelps.

“Claude!” she laughs, and he joins her in the laughter.

They share many nights like this. As if a sixth sense, he comes to her side when she is troubled and upset, even if unseen by everyone else. She does the same for him when he is plagued with hidden fears and paranoia. He slips into her room and she slips into his. To her, he was her summer that kept her warm in the coldness of the darkness, and she was his winter that kept him cool in the heat of death that surrounded them. 

* * *

_Warm me and stay by my side_

_Four seasons with your love_

_Living in a dream…_

* * *

She pants heavily as she gazes up at him, her minty green eyes glazed over. He lowers his head down as he presses his lips against her, sweet and gentle like many times before. He pulls the blankets up to them as she rests her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as if it was her lullaby. He keeps an arm wrapped around her; their bare legs intertwined with each other.

When she opens her eyes, she stares up at him. Feeling a pair of eyes boring into him, he opens his and glances down to her face. “Is something wrong?” he asks, slight concern heard in his voice.

She traces circles into his chest, still staring up at him. “Sometimes it feels like a dream…” she murmurs.

He relaxes. “What does?” he does the same onto her hip.

“You,” she answers quietly.

A chuckle leaves his lips. “I’m more handsome than any Claude you can dream up,” he grins playfully.

She rolls her eyes, but her smile never leaves her lips. She lightly smacks his chest and he mock hurt from her assault. “I love you,” she says suddenly.

The room grows silent when the words leaves her lips. It takes a moment to realized what she said. However, her fears were quickly washed away as she hears his voice, “I love you too.”

They share a long, deep kiss, afraid that this was a dream. It was real. 

* * *

_As life flows by all those moments stay with me_

_Each one lives in my heart_

_I know our time together will fade away_

_Into memory_

_Though I ask_

_Keep me warm with the love we had_

_And all those forgotten days_

_Together we will share our dreams_

_Four seasons with your love_

_Forever always_

* * *

She keeps their hands together, fingers laced into one another as she gazes up at him on the balcony of the Goddess Tower. “I’ll come back, I swear, as soon as I’m done with what I need to do,” he says to her, desperate to assuage her fears.

“I know you will,” she says to him and looks down to their hands laced together by their fingers. She didn’t want to let go.

“My love,” he calls to her. She lifts her head up. Slowly, he releases one of her hands, prying their fingers apart as he could hold her face, cupping her cheek. He pulls her into a kiss. “I love you,” he whispers against her lips.

She closes her eyes when she felt the warm touch of his lips on hers. She kisses him before it leaves her and whispers back, “I love you too… Forever and always.”

They rest their foreheads together, one of other’s hands still laced together by their fingers. They stay like that for as long they could before they force themselves apart. When he left, she keeps their memories together in her mind, never forgetting a single moment as she enters her new position as archbishop. It was only through their dreams they could see each other, however, no matter how far apart they were from each other, and how long it would be, they never forgot their love for each other. 

* * *

_Four scenes, four four seasons_

_Four scenes, I'll be alright_

_Four scenes, four four seasons_

_Four scenes, stay with me..._

* * *

Fat full tears dribble down her cheeks as she kisses him desperately, holding his face to hers. They only pull away with the need for air overcomes them both, each resting their forehead against each other. She gently strokes his cheek with her thumb as she whispers, “Stay with me…”

Although she closes her eyes, she could feel his loving gaze on her as he whispers back, “I will always be with you.”


End file.
